2013 -- A Roller Coaster Year

Winter -

The year started off pretty well; moving back home to Maryland for a job that put me in a room with some of the smartest, most thoughtful people I have ever worked with, being close to my family and friends, and getting into the home stretch with my master's program, these are all things to be celebrated.

Spring - 

It usually takes me about 3 months to feel like I have some sort of mastery of a task, job, activity, routine. This was the case with getting back into the groove of living on the East coast, but my job was still challenging and rewarding. I started to think about what my next project would be after I finished my master's, and I decided getting back into shape was at the top of the list.

Summer - 

Enter Cross Fit. The activity that made the second half of the year even better than the first. The people I've met, the inner physical and mental strength I've found, the way I feel about how I look, all of these things are priceless. To think that I sort of stumbled upon this community of people that helped me realize my own potential in ways I never imagined made me realize that sometimes you have to put yourself out there and never look back; you'll be rewarded, and I've made friends that I know I'll have for years to come. That's not easy to do once you hit a certain age, when your built in school and work networks are getting married, having kids, and are generally in a different life stage than you are.

Fall -

Degree: DONE. Goals: IN PROGRESS. Work: Going amazingly well.

I did my first Whole30, and that was life changing as well. I learned so much about how my body responds to certain foods, how I can feel better, not just look better, by being strict about what I put in it. I can't wait to do another one in January 2014.

Enter Kathryn Gracemarie Beaver. And I, of course, was at my sister's house when her water broke and I got to take care of my not-quite-two-year-old nephew EJ, much to the chagrin of my family, who knows how much I detested babysitting when I was younger.

My little niece who decided she couldn't wait any longer to be part of the action and was born early. Very early. She's a fighter, and even at just about 3ish weeks old, she has taught me so much. She's taught me to be patient, to not take anyone or anything for granted, to take each day as it comes, and that just because you have some downs, doesn't mean that your ups aren't just around the corner.

As 2014 rolls in, I am more positive than ever. I am excited to see what the next year has in store for all of my friends and family, and I recognize that in order to be the best friend, sister, daughter, and colleague that I can be, I need to take care of myself physically and mentally, and I look forward to being a positive part of 2014.

Happy New Year everyone!!

"I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give
Return to me"

Life happens when you're busy trying to lose weight

I feel like a slight recap of the last few weeks is in order so that folks know why I've been missing in action.

1. I did not win my box's Whole30 challenge, but that being said, I've lost about 20lbs since mid October and I know that this is not a sprint for me, but a lifelong change. After a few days on and off the wagon, I am back on, and planning a Whole30 friendly Christmas meal with my family that would make the most discerning palate jealous.
2. My older sister, the day after Thanksgiving, was hospitalized because her water broke. She was just about 25 weeks pregnant, and was planning to be in the hospital on bed rest until she delivered. This happened to be a much shorter time period that we were all planning (and hoping) for, as she delivered my niece, Kathryn (Katy) Gracemarie Beaver at 25 weeks and 5 days. Katy continues to defy expectations, as she is taking 10cc of breast milk, breathing, peeing, pooping, and wiggling around on her own. My sister held her for the first time today and we keep sending positive thoughts her way. Our Christmas will be a little different this year, as I think we are all a bit more thankful for our health and wellbeing given this little bundle of joy's early arrival.
3. I had a massive chest cold that precluded me from doing much in the way of socializing. It definitely meant I couldn't see my sister or my new niece until I was better, but seeing as I am almost officially "well" I am looking forward to spending time with all of them this Christmas.

Given all of the hub bub in my life as of late, I think you can all understand why I haven't written much. But I was inspired to write today, and so here I am, thinking about the passage of time, the frailty of life, and how I need to make sure that I am healthy and happy, mentally and physically, for the people around me.

Some softy I know posted this earlier this week, and it got me thinking:

I realize that I need to take care of myself for the long term. As much as I might want to binge on sugar and wine and bread, justifying it all because it's the holidays and I "deserve it" that is a bullshit excuse. I deserve to feel amazing, to eat good food that nourishes me, and to finally look outside the way I feel inside. 

2014 is going to be the year of self love and self acceptance, with the idea that if I take care of myself, I'll be a better friend, sister, daughter, lover, and coworker to those around me. I am not very motivated to do things for myself, but when I frame it in this way, that I am doing it to be a better person for others, somehow it makes me want to commit to it more. I'm hoping in time I reconcile all of this, but for now, I'm riding this wave.

Happy Holidays all.  May you lift heavy and laugh hard in 2014!