Requiem For a Throw Down

So last Saturday, as per my previous post, we did a throw down (aka: in house competition) at my Cross Fit box, composed of several workouts and a lift. My goal was to get a new personal record for my thruster (which I did) and finish the rest of the workouts (which I also did).

I was happy with my performance, for the most part, trying to keep things in perspective; particularly the fact that I've been REALLY Cross Fitting for just about 2 months (not counting Elements) and I am probably 100 lbs heavier than most of the people in that gym. But I did it.

I was happy until I saw the most recent blog post on my box's web site. There I am, in all of my double chinned glory, mid knees to elbows, looking like I weigh 400lbs.

I was pissed.

This came on the heels of talking to my coaches about feeling stagnant, trapped in my own body, and basically frustrated. Part of me was thinking they put this picture up as motivation, to get me to really commit to eating clean and continuing to work out. I was sad and ashamed.

Then, the more I thought about it, I realized this was an opportunity. This was a gift.

And that's when my night changed.

I went from tears to a sense of accomplishment. My goal has always been to get my picture up on the site. I thought it would be a bit more bad ass and flattering, but so be it. I made it. And I will make it again, doing something else awesome and strong. And I have decided to take it as a sign that my coach (who writes the blog) is proud of me. Proud of me for being in it for the long haul; proud of me for being brave enough to ask for help (a very un-MB like characteristic, for the record); proud of me for doing the throw down; proud for being so positive when sometimes all I want to do is pack it in and go home with my tail between my legs because I don't know how to compete with the size 2 girls that surround me.

But I am not competing with them. I am competing with myself. It's never been about being better or worse than other people to anyone but me. The people I workout with are supportive and fun and have told me what a joy it is to have me in the gym. How they miss me when I'm not there. How strong I've become and how proud they are of me. That's the reason I started this whole Cross Fit thing in the first place. I wanted to meet more positive, active people, and I found them at Cross Fit Silver Spring. I am doing something positive and healthy for my mind, body and spirit, and that needs to be the end game. The rest of it is gravy.

So maybe I, double chins and all, will be on the blog and someone thinking about joining the box will think "I can do this" and try. And if my horrible picture inspires someone to get off their butt and move, well then... my work here is done.