Having a rough morning

Writing this blog is very cathartic for me; mostly because I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one that reads what I write, but that being said, I feel as though I can have a bad day, process it, and get over it, all in one sitting by putting it into words. Here goes nothing.

I weigh myself every Friday. Not as some sort of torture, but just to see if the eating habits I've employed over the last few days actually worked. Today, they didn't. And they haven't for a while. Removing sugar, flour, and starch from one's diet is not an easy task, and I've done a pretty damn good job. I am starting to get back on the exercise track with a few cardio outings this week (shout out to Marmo who did a 5 1/2 mile walk with me last night) and am planning to do at least 4-5 next week in preparation for Elements starting on July 1.

And somehow I gained 3 lbs.

I am fucking frustrated. La la la "it's not how much you weigh its how you feel." I understand that, but that really only applies if you are losing weight, ANY weight. Somehow I have gained 15 lbs since I started training for the Overnight walk (16ish miles) and moved back to Maryland. I am not depressed, I am less stressed than I have been in my professional life, I am happy to be back close to family and friends, and I have been eating better than I was in the winter because of the abundance of veggies (nope, not fruits, haven't had fruit in about 3 weeks). I am sleeping well. I have not been weight training, which I know revs up your metabolism, but it's not as though I live a sedentary life.

It makes me want to give up. My clothes are fitting oddly and every morning it is a battle getting dressed. One that I want to quit and say "you're not worth it so why even try?" I know that's not the right attitude, and I can't just throw the baby out with the bath water when things don't go my way, but I am starting to think that there is something wrong with me. I am probably metabolically broken, just like most of America, but in eating clean I thought I was helping to turn that tide, but apparently not.

I am sick of being trapped in a body that doesn't reflect the discipline, desire, and athleticism that I know is inside of me. I don't want to have to be someone who goes through weight loss surgery. I feel like that is the quitters way out, but it might be the only way to jump start my body.

Just don't know where to go from here. Except to eat well, continue to get my ass out there and moving, and surround myself with people who share the same wellness goals.

I think that said it all right there. I feel good, but I don't feel WELL.